Due to the large number of slumbering students in the senior lounge, senior class presidents Bella Hatzigeorgiou and MJ Stricker have decided to construct a soundproof box around the collection of priceless, vintage couches. The glass will also be tinted so that seniors do not have to suffer from bright rays of sunlight.

“We went to the district heads and demanded that something be done about the disrespectful actions towards our class,” Hatzigeorgiou said. “They seemed pretty unconcerned, which was extremely annoying, but they didn’t tell us we couldn’t build the box, so we’re doing it.”

Without the outright support of the district, seniors had to pay for the box out of their own pocket.

“Yeah, I had to ask my mom twice before she would give me the money,” senior Zach Poscover said. “It was so extra. She gave me money for my senior jersey right away.”

During construction, a Quiet Zone mandate has been instilled on the third-floor junior and senior locker bay area. Any students who break this mandate will face a humiliating punishment by being forced to stand in the language hallway with a megaphone and yell ‘I will not be loud, I will not disrupt the senior class’ seventy times in the direction of the senior lounge.

“Senior year is super duper stressful because you’re trying to get all your college applications [done] so you’re up late doing college stuff,” Stricker said. “College is making it super hard to get a regular three hours of sleep.”

This mandate will be enforced by the junior class Sleep Patrol who have been hired to chase down any talkers or music listeners. The Sleep Patrol have been given uniforms created by the senior class: slippers and duct tape-silencers must be worn at all times. Juniors will receive NHS hours for their service.  

“Uniforms help to keep everything organized,” Stricker said. “We’ll be able to tell who is a rude, talking abomination and who is here to help based on whether they have a uniform or not.”

Some unrelenting underclassmen are still being found repeatedly socializing near the senior lounge and disrupting their sleep.

“The underclassmen are just being really loud, sometimes the senior lounge is as loud as a high school hallway during passing time,” Stricker said. “We’re just trying to nap so we can make it through the day and no one seems to be respecting that.”

Students of all grades will be required to cease any conversation, laughter, music or chit-chat when walking in the senior and junior locker bay near the couches. Some frequent nappers have even threatened to dole out angry silent glares to any daring talkers. Construction will continue with hammers (covered by felt to reduce sound).

“Since the senior lounge is a senior right, we should be able to sleep,” Hatzigeorgiou said. “All seniors really want to do is sleep and it is really frustrating to go into the senior lounge and hear people playing music or talking.”

Even music with headphones is forbidden.

“You can [still] hear everything in their headphones,” Hatzigeorgiou said. “Even one notch of volume on iPhones is too loud.”

The Quiet Zone mandate may impede on social time in the hallways, but it will give many seniors their much-needed naptime. Seniors have been around for almost nearly two whole decades and have the right to sleep during school when they want to sleep.

“With the mandate, we’ll know that we’ll have a time during the day [to sleep], so [we] can stay up much later doing homework and college applications,” Stricker said. “They will understand when they’re seniors.”

Administrators refused to comment about this feud (of course, a lack of statement is in accordance with the Quiet Zone mandate).