When she was nine months old, junior Amelia Geistler flew across the Pacific Ocean to her new home in St. Louis. Originally born in China, Geistler was abandoned close to a fire station in the rural Chinese province of Jiangxi before a local adoption agency found her. Geistler’s parents — after years of rigorous legal processing and screening through the Children’s Hope program — met Geistler on June 25, 2007, labeled her “Gotcha day,” and brought her home. 

Geistler’s story isn’t unusual, especially for female infants in China. Since the implementation of the one-child policy, millions of female babies have been abandoned or selectively aborted due to the patriarchal preference of sons over daughters. Over 30 million “missing girls” have been aborted in the womb or killed after birth due to the stringent one-child policy and perennial cultural beliefs.

“I’m grateful for the life I was given here in America, where I have the opportunity to go to college and further my education. If I was still in China as an orphan, I’d probably have to work in a factory and would never [be able to] reach my potential. I’m grateful for a roof over my head and food I can eat,” Geistler said. 

However, Geisler’s life as an adoptee isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Children of transracial adoptions often struggle to cope with identity, discrimination and bias —  a side effect that Geistler has experienced throughout her life. 

“The best way I can describe being adopted is how society treats [biracial children], but slightly worse. I am adopted by white people as a Chinese adoptee, so when I face racism, I can’t go to my parents for comfort because they don’t understand what I go through as an Asian,” Geistler said. “My parents usually say ‘we don’t see color’ or ‘we don’t think of you as being adopted,’ which I know comes from the right place, but it feels like they invalidate what I have to go through.”

Over 40% of all adoptions are transracial with adoptees mainly from Asia, Latin America and Africa, while 73% of all parents that adopt are white. This causes some of the most marginalized groups in society, who are often alienated or coerced to desert their native cultures, to be set up with white families. 

“I’m not as in touch with my Chinese roots as I’d like to be, but I used to truly be the definition of ‘whitewashed’ with bleached hair, a dark tan, crop tops [and] scrunchies. I truly didn’t mind [that] until COVID-19 and the spike of hate crimes against Chinese people and Asian people in general. No matter how ‘whitewashed’ I was, I still felt unsafe because I couldn’t change how I actually looked,” Geistler said. 

Hate crimes against Asian Americans, such as physical assault and verbal abuse motivated by one’s race, rose about 76% during the pandemic.  To put this into perspective, more than a third of all Asian Americans in the U.S. know another Asian American who has been threatened or attacked due to their race.

“I struggled a lot with my identity all throughout COVID-19 and had an identity crisis. I became mute because I felt [like] whatever I said had to represent my white side,” Geistler said. “The only times I felt safe was when I was with my white friends or parents.”

To reconnect with her native culture, Geistler plans to participate in CIEE’s study abroad program to study Mandarin in Shanghai and stay with a homestead family.

“My dad was the one who originally came to me with this study abroad opportunity because he knew how much I’ve struggled and wanted this chance to find myself. He knew this meant the world to me and he would never want me to lose it because of his worry. He’s my biggest supporter when it comes to me talking and wanting to learn about Chinese culture,” Geistler said. “I finally had come to terms that I was raised by white people and decided that I would start learning about the culture that I was born in before I moved to America. I plan to become fully immersed in Chinese culture so I don’t have to fit out anymore.”

While she is in China for her study abroad, Geistler will be taking a DNA test to find her birth parents and connect with any blood relatives. However, she intends to focus on learning more about her culture first during her trip.

“I personally dislike being adopted but it’s hard to hate it because it gave me the life and opportunity I have now,” Geistler said. “I may not love my family at times but they have given me a life I could never not appreciate. Their adoption is why I want to pursue a career that will better lives around the world. At the end of the day, I wish people knew that [family is] different for everyone.  Everyone should [be] empath[etic] when needed and not joke [or] assume things about someone.”