The White House

Betsy DeVos is sworn in as Secretary of Education on Feb. 7 2017.

Dear Betsy DeVos,

I spent my childhood in 10 different public schools spread across three states, and that made life interesting, to say the least. I spent two weeks in one elementary school, long enough to take the required standardized tests and get moved to another school. I’ve taken standardized tests from the CogAT to the Iowa Basic Skills Tests to the MAP test and others that have slipped from my memory. I’ve been in graduating classes with 900 kids, 700 kids and 300 kids. In other words, I’ve been around when it comes to the public education system.

I wrote this letter to say that I sure wish you would’ve been in charge of the Department of Education when I was younger. You would’ve made life wonderful. You have unresolved conflicts of interest that could irrevocably mar public education with everyone’s favorite tool of persuasion: money. Kids love money, adults love money and teachers love money—but you don’t want to give that money to teachers, you want to divert everything we have to vouchers; that’s clearly more important. Could you tell America more about that one school with a grizzly bear rather than trying to work out a more efficient way of measuring student growth that wouldn’t require educators to teach kids that specific test’s quirks rather than actual material?

I can just see it, you’re a strong proponent of options and learning alternatives, and you also refuse to say that you won’t cut funding to public schools. Maybe I would’ve gotten to sit at a computer and read endless PDF files, watch video lectures and take notes rather than have gifted education and get hands on learning, creative exploration opportunities or actual human interaction. Even better, you could’ve taken funding from my schools’ gifted programs and put it into those vouchers you love so much, so that I could’ve just gone to private school to get the education I need! Problem solved! It’s not like fixing the public education system is worth attempting. Private school has worlds of advantages: having to buy my own textbooks and uniforms, finding my own transportation to a school that may not be anywhere close to where I live and biased teaching ideologies from the overwhelming number of religious schools compared to secular ones! There’s so many options you want to give me, it’s truly amazing.

Oh, and before I forget, congratulations on finally learning the difference between proficiency and growth in one of your confirmation hearings a few weeks ago! Maybe, before your hearings, you were spending night after night slaving away in front of the blue light of your computer screen trying to understand the complexities and details of public education. I know how hard it can be to read a Wikipedia page. How long did you spend, 20 minutes? I can only imagine the toll that took on you. You could confuse students and parents about test results even more than they already are, and that would just be plain fun. To be quite honest, I don’t have the slightest clue as to the changes you’ll make to K-12 standardized testing, but I’m not worried; you’re obviously a very bright woman who knows what’s what.

Can we talk about one thing that those “fake news” media outlets don’t bring up as much? You’re a strong proponent of God in schools and can’t keep your own religion out of everyone else’s education. Education is supposed to be entirely non-secular, teaching Judeo-Christian values and ignoring the rest of the ideological world, that’s just how it’s meant to be. Right? You could send my friends through the conversion therapy that your family has supported throughout the years, teach intelligent design rather than evolution; who needs Darwin anyways, right? You’d infuse public education with an essence of your own staunch beliefs and everyone would follow you without question.

I’m sorry for taking your time away from copying and pasting quotes from the Obama administration, Mrs. DeVos, but I needed to thank you for the humor and apprehension you’ve given me and will continue to give as you begin to make policy. You’re going to make education great again!

Eagerly awaiting the destruction of my education,

Nell Jaskowiak