Now Presenting… the Broken Compass’ Funhouse Mirror Frequently Asked Questions

The work of the Broken Compass is entirely satirical. We are not liable for any dissatisfaction you experience herein.

How do I find the Pathfinder?

Really? Really?

Are you going to do another goose piece soon?

We don’t know. Maybe. Our resident crazy-goose-lady has graduated and is learning to poke human brains with sticks.

I want to yell at you all. How do I do that?

Find the nearest trashcan, yell into that. Then, reconsider your life and why you thought oxygen and time would be best spent yelling at some sarcastic high schoolers.

What do your awards even mean?

We dunno. They’re shiny though.

Do you speak Mandarin?

沒有

Is there really gonna be a Juuling lounge?

See question 1.

Why’d the chicken cross the road?

Is this some sort of sick joke? The chicken was my friend!

I want to write for the Pathfinder. How do I do that?

Register to vote Libertarian in three different states, then–and only then–send us a resume carved on the back of the 10 commandments.

Is this your idea of a joke?

Yes. We also think we’re funny.

Are you guys paid for your work?

In cookie cake (don’t tell Parkway Schools).

If the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow is…

No, no. Don’t go there. Go talk to Mr. Anderson.

How much work is it really to run a newspaper?

A lot. We cry sometimes. But then it’s ok again.

Are you guys real? Or just robots?

Even split 50/50. You guess who’s who.

How did I get here?

We try not to engage in existential debate.