Every year I promise myself I’ll start my summer homework earlier than the week before it is due, and every year, I disappoint myself. To all my past English teachers, I’m so sorry for the rushed essays I’ve turned in every August. However, my horrific record of reading an entire book in one day and writing a four page essay in a few hours has given me some solid experience in avoiding summer assignments. I’m sure I’m the only person playing myself year after year, but if you happen to find yourself in a similar position, here are the five best ways to pretend you don’t have an assignment due in a week.
Binge an entire season of a TV show
Nothing quite says summer like wasting away the days staring at a screen in a darkened room, hidden away from the so-called beauty of the midsummer sun. I finally got a Hulu subscription this summer, which means I spent the first few weeks after school got out watching The Handmaid’s Tale. I would definitely recommend it, and even better, it’s based on a book, so you could argue it’s educational. However, if you’re looking for something lighter, Queer Eye or The Office are also great Netflix picks. Plus, watching a good show makes it easier to push back writing your summer essay because you’ll just do it after the next episode, right?
Get a part-time summer job
You did apply for a part-time job specifically so that you would have time to work on your summer homework. Do not let that stop you from using the three off-days a week, the time you set aside to work on your assignments, as rest days from the stress of your low-pressure minimum wage job. You deserve it, just look at all those hours you’re putting in. Remember, you can’t complete important tasks like going on your phone, doing your homework or taking depression naps while you’re at work. Your days off are precious! Essays can wait; go enjoy your summer.
Make a plan
You’re going to want to budget at least an hour and a half for this one. Gather your craft supplies and put some music on, because you’re in it for the long haul. Constructing a carefully planned, color-coded calendar with a design scheme not even Bobby Berk could top is the perfect way to prepare for your work while avoiding it all together. Remember all the hours of Queer Eye you watched? Now is the time to use your newly acquired design skills and map out your study schedule for the next three weeks. If you’re lucky, you’ll follow this plan for three-and-a-half days and then get tired. After that, it will stare at you from your desk, and you’ll just have to pretend you don’t see it.
Go somewhere interesting to work
Anyone loves a good excuse to go to their favorite Starbucks and post up for a while. I recommend a triple shot caramel latte for maximum productivity, a drink so good that I often finish it before I’m done with the obligatory ten-minute Instagram scroll that must be completed before any good work session. It can be hard to get work done without a sip of coffee every few minutes though, so you might consider going home a bit earlier than intended. Maybe even before you can get any work done at all. It happens to the best of us; the latte was just too good.
Read one page of your book and tap out for the night
The moment is finally here, and you’re really gonna do it this time. Get cozy, turn on your reading light and prepare to do what you’ve been preparing for all summer. You are going to read this book. You have highlighters, pencils and post-its, and it’s time to show this summer reading who’s boss. After the first page, though, you’re a little hungry, aren’t you? Your feet are kind of cold, your room is too dark and it’s getting late anyway. You can always try again tomorrow.
Tomorrow, however, will inevitably become the first day of school and you will be staring at a blank Google Doc, an unopened book and an all-nighter. Throughout the 82 days of summer vacation, assignments hang over our heads like dark clouds, threatening a tornado of stress and frantic essay writing. We all know this to be a yearly occurrence, so we might as well enjoy the first 75 days of summer in anticipation of the dark, uphill battle at the end. If you haven’t tried any of these suggestions out, give them a shot. I’ll see you at Starbucks.