The battle to become a man

Freshman Tony Morse is a huge alternative music fan and absolutely loves animals. He is a boy full of hopes and dreams of fully transforming into his true self. The only difference separating him from his peers is that Morse came out as transgender in March 2014.

“I wasn’t exactly happy as a girl, but when I came out as Tony, I felt a lot better since I could be a boy not only on the inside but on the outside too, and express myself as a boy,” Morse said.

That March, he began his transition into the boy he had always envisioned himself as, despite the several struggles standing in the way.

“When I came out, I cut [my hair] even shorter and made it more masculine. I made myself more masculine by binding and wearing more masculine clothing,” Morse said. “My biggest struggle is dysphoria and misgendering, just with the society we live in with all the gender roles. I’ll wear something and look a little more feminine [and get misgendered].”

In order to combat dysphoria, Morse wears a binder that flattens his chest although it is incredibly annoying for him.

“Especially in hot weather, it gets really uncomfortable. You’re sweating, and it’s tight, and you don’t know what to do. Some days it doesn’t make me look as flat as I want to be so I’ll be holding my shirt or put a hoodie on over it,” he said.

Morse also changed his name to Tony in Infinite Campus, meaning his name in the yearbook will be listed as that. Despite that, it was  still a rough experience for him to enter the first day of school and explain that he is transgender.

“The school was supposed to email all my teachers and tell them [my preferred name], but they didn’t. So I had to go through all my classes with my teachers confused, trying to figure it out and calling me she. Everyone in the class was just cringing and looking at me. I hate that situation,” he said.

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Misgendering, or calling a person by a pronoun they do not identify with, can be hard for Morse but still understandable to him.

“Sometimes people slip up, and that’s totally fine. You’re not going to get it at first. Nobody really does it on purposely,” Morse said.

On April 9, Morse began hormone treatment to further his transition.

“I am not on testosterone, [a common hormone used by transgender men,] but I am on oxandrolone, which is a similar hormone that has made me more masculine. Insurance does not cover testosterone,” Morse said.

While Morse’s insurance covers oxandrolone, it will not cover other means for people to transition, including top surgery.

“I would really like top surgery because it will make me feel a lot better in my body. It’s really hard being a male in a female’s body. Binders get really annoying and constricting and they hurt. I would rather not have to deal with that,” Morse said.

Morse feels as though the surgery will help combat gender dysphoria, which is when a transgender person feels unhappy with the way they feel about their body parts, such as facial hair or deepness of voice.

“If you don’t have the money for it and you are really upset about getting the hormones you need, I would really recommend talking to people about it. Dysphoria can be really hard on people and it’s a really tough thing to go through,” Morse said. “Keeping it all inside and not talking about it is not the way to go.”

Top surgery can cost upwards of around $3,500 depending on the state. For this reason, Morse began a GoFundMe to raise enough money to have surgery when he is 18 and legally able to have the procedure done.

“There was another guy on Instagram I saw who went really well through his transition. He’s on testosterone and started a GoFundMe for his top surgery. He now has $4000. He got his top surgery [on Sept. 26] and he’s so so happy,” Morse said. “I figured if I started now, by the time I’m old enough to get top surgery, I would have enough money for it.”

As of Sept. 28, Morse’s GoFundMe has raised $125 out of the $4,000 he hopes to raise. He hopes to one day legally change his name, and he wants to look 100 percent passing as a boy.

“I know I’m going to go through a lot of issues with people not supporting me, but I just choose to ignore it. And there are people that just don’t understand it, but if you don’t understand it, it isn’t an excuse to be mean to people,” Morse said. “If you don’t like me, then just go away.”